what happened to the 50's wife?

I always get quite the response from women when I tell them that I wake up with my husband on work days. The catch is, he wakes up between 3 and 5 a.m. I make him breakfast and lunch- and head back to bed.

mMy husband thought all women did this. He said, “They just don’t make women like they used to.” I barked back, “No, they just don’t make women like your mom.” I remember when we were dating and he told me this was something that he would like in a marriage. I would lay in bed and think “no way.”

Once I began meeting other logger’s wives, I saw this was not something that was lost in the 1950’s. Most of them got up with their husbands, made them breakfast and lunch and sent them on their way.

I knew that the first time I got up with him would be the last time I snoozed all the way through the night until 10 a.m. But it was OK. I wanted to. I saw how hard he worked and felt good about helping him start is day off.

Of course, there have been mornings where I have stayed in bed just to prove a point of independence. But even then, I lay there with guilt listening to him run around. He normally won’t eat breakfast and packs a sad, little lunch.

At our wedding, the officiant read the famous passage from Ephesians 5:22.
                “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord…”

And while my husband and I are both Christians and know the true meaning of “submit” – many find it offensive and sexist. After the wedding, all Chris and I heard from my side of the family was “how could he say that.”

Many envision “submitting” as this clan of Stepford Wives: robotic and always saying, “Yes, dear.” Chris and I find it to mean trust.  Trust your husband with decisions and work together in a partnership.

It isn’t that many men miss the 1950’s wife- it is that society has invented a new wife. A wife that is empowered to say, “I’m not your slave!” or “You do it yourself!” Trust me, I have said those things. And women root you on when you say those things. We’ve just become this army against men.

And while I am stubborn and love to prove a point, saying those things does not make me feel good. I think about my husband who never says those things back when I ask him to take out the garbage or cook dinner.

Yes, it is called marriage. In other words, a partnership and union. You are working together, helping each other. And each relationship has its own compromises and recipe.

Sure, the newlywed stage of making him pancakes or eggs and ham at four in the morning has died out. He now gets frozen breakfast sandwiches. But the appreciation is still there.

I don’t feel like a Stepford wife for getting up early with my husband. I feel like a best friend doing something that makes my husband's day better.


NikkiDarlin' said...

aww your so sweet. I used to do the same thing. When we got married he worked mornings. I would lay his clothes out and such. Then it went to just waking him up and going back to sleep. LOL. Now he works nights so it's much easier. I give you a big hand clap for getting up so early. You're a wonderful wife and friend.

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momphotographer said...

You know, my husband tells me all the time: if you just cooperate with me... if you just trust me, etc. Before we got married I used to be VERY independent. I wanted to have a career... Now I'm stay home mom, and I question almost everything he does or say. I know it's ridiculous, and I don't like it, but sometimes it's stronger than me... I feel bad about it and I try hard to change it, but what if I do not belive in submiting to your husband, as to the Lord. I like the Golden Rule. I like the rule Treat people like you want to be treated.Somedays I'd like him to wake up early and do something for us. I have to be exausted and an depressed for him to say: how can I help?.
And YES, I said it many times: I'm not your slave, but I've never let him do anything byhimself after that because it would be a dissaster ;-)
I'm not in any army against men I was just raised in a family where the motto was if you can count than the only person you should count on is yourself!!!
Anyway I really admire your relatioship with your husband.
Hugs from my corner!

my abc soup said...

I hear you momphotographer! We share the "submission" in this relationship. I'll get up weekday mornings, but you better believe he gets up with the baby and does everything on the weekend =)

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