I want my mommy

The other night I was driving home, tired and just aching for my bed. The minute I started driving, Audrey passed out and I started thinking about when I was younger. I thought, "I wish I could just curl up and sleep, and someone else could drive."

I remember falling asleep in the car with mom and dad driving. There was no worry on how they were driving or which way they were going - just complete trust and comfort. Then we would arrive and they would try so hard to be quiet and go tuck me into bed.

The house was always clean, too. As a kid you just think it is supposed to be that way and didn't require work to do it. We would be at school, come home and the house would always be spotless. Our laundry would be done and folded, our beds made and there were always vacuum marks. 

If I was hungry, mom got me a snack. If I wanted to go somewhere, mom brought me. Baths were prepared just right with extra bubbles and toys and dishes were always clean and never left in the sink. 

When did we stop being kids and become adults with all this responsibility? Moreover, why when we were kids did we want to be adults so badly? 
In everything I do, I see my mother. I obsess about a clean house but don't really enjoy it as much because I know all the work that constantly goes into it. I want to drive carefully and quietly so that Audrey continues to sleep. I want to have her snacks ready, bed clean and warm and baths with extra bubbles.

I was trying hard to figure out when that moment was that I stopped being taken care of and started having to take care of myself...and then had to start taking care of other people.I can't think of it. It happened so fast.

Yes, being an adult is great- and being a mother and wife is even more wonderful. But sometimes, I just want to be tucked in bed. I want to have that comfort that everything will be taken care of. 

I guess that is just the cycle of life. Now I am providing that comfort for my family, my daughter. She'll become an adult too and then most likely take care of us when we're old.

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts.  A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.  ~Sophia Loren


Mandee said...

My sister is pregnant so I have a feeling I will be paying even closer attention to your blog! I just posted the first pregnancy pics on my blog today. I will have to share some of your posts with her!

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